those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize