I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
