I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
