no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize