Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
