we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
