It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
