Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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