i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
