Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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