this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Randomize
