K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
