There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
