So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
