its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
