Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
