no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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