How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
