Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize