My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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