i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
