i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
