Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
