NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
