When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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