I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
