twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
