i just had sex bonerless
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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