Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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