i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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