I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
