Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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