I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
