Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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