Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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