There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
