My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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