Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
