my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
