I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
