How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
