I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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