Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
