How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
