Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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