How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
