My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
