wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize