Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
