if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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