Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
