Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
