I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
