what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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