I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
