how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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