last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
