I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
