There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
