I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I could make wine with my vomit
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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