how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
