my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
