Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
