So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
