You can't motorboat a personality
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
