I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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