i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
