I should be sponsored by Trojan
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
