The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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