Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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