He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
