How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
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we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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